One of the best parts of my job is the humour I see in the every day. Yes, the mundane can be funny if you look at it from the perspective of  ”material”.  Some times I fail to see the humour in the moment but eventually it all seems too funny and in that I can find Grace to smile the next time mundane happens.

I heard a rumour the other day that Tim’s actually has a manual on “how to order” and I thought this is a brilliant idea given that some folks just don’t seem to know what to do once the door closes behind them. As you read through this please keep in mind that I would not trade my job for any other, I do indeed love where I work and even the most irritating can be funny, in time.

RULES:

1) Approach the counter with as much confidence you can muster but don’t be cocky or push in front of someone who is already standing there. We bite but we are given very handsome bonuses for every customer that we don’t bite.

2) When you are asked “how may I help you” don’t allow your jaw muscles to slacken to the point where we can see your molars. Please refrain from trying this as the perfect time to practice your deer-in-the-headlights look. We may just hit you for fun. Do not put your hand on your hip, drop your chin and eyelids and say “I dunno, what are you offering. I had a guy try that with me last week, he was 5′8′, roughly 310 and dressed in a spandex unitard. The best I could do was tell him I was not his type, ie, blow up. No, I didn’t share “blow up” with him. I should have ’cause he keeps coming back.

3) Please have the following info already downloaded from your brain to your mouth:

    -size and quantity of coffee ie, SAY the words 3 medium or you’ll only get one. Do not wait for your server to give you one cup before you order another. After the 3rd trip back to the coffee station you may get more than just coffee or one of your cups might be a little on the “not so full” side. 

  -what you want in your coffee. Try as we might we cannot read every mind and guessing 3 cream 4 sugar might be a shock for black coffee drinkers. Once you have decided on a size ask for your liquids (aka dairy product) then the sweetener. We carry 18% cream and 2% milk. No we don not keep a special little bag of  goat milk, lactose friendly cream, or any other critter cream. Nor do we have hidden caches of whole, skim or 1% milk. Rule of thumb: if you don’t see it we don’t have it.

  -If you want your medium sized coffee in a large cup tell us right away, don’t wait until we’ve put a lid on the medium cup to relay that little nugget you’ll run the risk of us not quite getting all your coffee into the large cup. No we’re not uncoordinated, just miffed.

4) When ordering a muffin please take the time to ensure for yourself that we even have the muffin you want. Do not stand in front of the muffin case with your wild eyed stare and ask me what muffins I have. I will one day say “dunno, you’re standing there, you tell me”. Also, when looking at an empty muffin tray do not ask me if we have anymore out back. The truth is……yes. I do have more out back. “Out back” is the dumpster in the alley and there should be some of what you want in there from last night. Oops, don’t forget the step ladder, you’ll need that to get into the dumpster. What you’re looking for is behind the door marked “compost”, happy shopping.

5) When perusing the donut selection please reconsider asking if we have any “low fat” donuts. Your server will proabaly choke and may even tell you that the only “low fat” donut is the hole. Not the Robins Egg but the part in the middle of the donut that is no longer there. While we’re mentioning Robins Egss….they are “Robins Eggs” not “Tim Bits” or “rocks”. One day when someone asks for”Tim Bits” I’m going to send them to Tims, I might lose them as a customer but I’ll send them on the off chance they’ll bring me back a muffin.

6) Don’ stand staring at the “cash only” sign asking if we do debit. Take a moment or two to focus and the sign should pop right into view. Geesh!

7) We carry 6 different kinds of beverages in our pop fridge, 6. Please don’t point at the fridge, grunt and say Pepsi unless you really want a Pepsi. Do not ask for Pepsi, wait for me to put in on the counter and say “um I really wanted a Diet Pepsi” then when I give you the diet ask for a bottle of juice. On your second brain cramp I am actually trying harder to read your mind but all I keep hearing is “nice butt, no boobs but nice butt”.

Conversly do not keep changing your mind about what muffin you want just so you can play a game of a “peek a boob” with the girls. Or change your mind about the donut you want to see the girl stretch. We are not payed enough to amuse you in that way.

And finally (for now anyway) try to say “thank you”. All my staff put in extra effort to try to make your day better for you, don’t ruin in by trying to be the biggest idot possible.

One of the most rewarding aspects of my job is the very reason why I have a job, the customers. The folks that walk through our door are as varied as the many different ways one can make a coffee, each one comes complete with their own personality and story. Every day I leave work with more than enough material to blog for months hence the lack of blogging about work, there’s just too much material.

As rewarding as the customers are they can also be the biggest pain in the ass. Some folks are like The Borg as they try their very best to assimilate you into their lives based on a relationship that they have built in their head. Honestly, how deep is a relationship when your only interaction is an exchange of money for yummy. Still for some folks that 15 second connection is enough for them to build a long lasting “friendship” as they bounce beyond any rational person’s boundary, answering unasked questions and giving way too much detail about their day to day life.

With that being said it’s still an amazing journey through life that can be trying but for the most part is fascinating. I know stuff about folks that: a) I didn’t ask any questions that warranted the info, b) I  didn’t want to know in the first place and c) without pictures I have no proof The most trying part of my day is keeping my smart ass-ed answers inside my head and away from my lips as people can and do ask the dumbest questions. Yes, I am just as guilty as the next person but hearing them as often as I do they now become fodder for blogging. Here are my top 5 “what I’d rather say” replies.

#1 – “how big is the small”            what I’d rather say – dunno, how jumbo is a shrimp

what I generally say – it’s really only a sample size and most people prefer the medium

#2 – while staring at an empty basket “do you have any more carrot muffins”     preferred reply – yes I still have all of them but none for you today, you too fat, you go on diet (complete with Chinese food owner’s accent)

what I generally say – sadly they are our most popular muffin and sell out pretty early

#3 – while looking at the muffin case “what kind of muffins do you have”     preferred reply – hey, you’re standing right there, how ’bout you tell me for a change

what I generally say -well let’s just have a look see at what we have left

#4 – “are any of your donuts low fat”     preferred reply – you betcha Buffy, that’s what all donuts are low fat, uh huh, no one ever got fat eating a donut, yeesh

what I generally say – wish it were so but sadly no

#5 – “I saw a girl who looks just like you yesterday at the bank, do you have a sister”  no  “do you have a twin sister then”      preferred reply – no I don’t have a sister but I do have a twin, we’re just not related!

what I generally say – could have been me or it could have been my body double.

I’ll keep working on the last one to soften it up a bit because I fear my preferred reply is closer to getting out each and every time I hear that question.

This was a week straight from the shit bucket that had sides too tall for me to climb up all because of one thing. The Flesh. This week I gained more insight into my co-worker that pushed me closer to the edge of loathing her and I almost gave in to those feelings. So many times I came frighteningly close to telling her exactly what I think of her but I managed to always come up just short. I did however, tell her to “just shut up for 10 minutes” yesterday as she continued to push my boundaries.

Each day I got home wound up too tight, frustrated by her behaviour and her complete absence of integrity. Each day ended badly for me as I sat and mentally ranted about how unjust my life seemed to be. I work hard, she barely works a little. I am always on time, she is late more often than the morning newspaper. I work each and every shift that I am given, she is lucky if she can work 2 complete shifts in a row. She has asked me repeatedly to lie for her at work, “if I lie for you I can now lie to you” is my philosophy and I’m sorry but lying is not something I am willing to do, period.

That in itself has caused me to twist up as I struggled between saying nothing (not lying for her) and telling my boss what she has asked me to do (setting the record straight). Seriously, do I honestly need this stress in my life? Is it worth $8.00 an hour when I have been offered a job elsewhere?

For me it is. I applied for this job because I was driven to work there, just like I was driven to work at my last job. There are lessons for me to learn there, there is growth for me as a Christian there as I learn how to handle dishonesty through God, not in spite of Him.

So how have I harmed myself this week? I have allowed myself to live in the Flesh instead of standing firm in the Spirit. I refused to lie for her but not because “I am my brother’s keeper” but rather because I was tired of doing all the work while she got by doing nothing. It was my own personal sense of injustice that caused my stress rather than staying closer to God and being offended because He was offended. Hopefully next week will not be as bad as this week was but if it is I have Faith that when I stand in His presence I will handle situations more like He would. That’s my belief and I’m sticking to it.

I was always under the impression that integrity could neither be bought nor sold but this week has been an eye opener for me. I have met and have known some people who seem a little short on integrity but I have never actually met someone who is completely devoid of it.

There was an incident at work this week between my co-worker (I used the term “worker” very loosely) and a customer that has had a ripple effect that I had not imagined. Rather than help me to serve the long line of customers my co-worker chose her favorite endeavour, talking. Or as I refer to it “yapping without end and without an informed opinion, just an opinion”.

One of our regular customers who had been standing in line waiting to be served informed my co-worker that she had heard quite enough of this little conversation and would really appreciate some service. Well didn’t that just put my co-worker into a pissie fit, I mean really, what was she getting paid to do anyway, certainly not work. It would seem that although our work descriptions are exactly the same my co-worker has an entirely different reason for being at work and right at this moment I’m not sure the girl with gills can even spell work.

As she (my co-worker) approached my side she said something very vile and derogatory about the customer in what she thought was a hushed tone. Needless to say it was said non too quietly and the customer over heard her comment. This prompted a letter of complaint that was delivered to my boss and has made it up the payroll chain to one of the 2 owners of our store.

When my co-worker was confronted with the customer’s letter of complaint she claimed to have not said what she said but did admit to saying something perhaps “close” to what the customer had heard. By the time the letter reached the owner her story has changed into something that even the world’s best fiction writer would not recognize. 

When I left work yesterday I had decided that this is not a place where I can continue to work given the lack of action at a supervisory, or higher level to such a bucket of lies. I left work yesterday enraged by what I heard my co-worker tell the owner had really happened in her opinion but probably I was even further enraged by my own lack of responsibility in telling the owner that that was NOT how this incident went.

I spent most of last night in a battle between cursing at myself for not “setting the record straight” and self protection because I want nothing to do with this whole mess. The right thing to do would be to step up to the plate but how does that show Grace to my co-worker. By giving my account of the incident my co-worker would most certainly be fired and then I would no longer have opportunities to be a Christian influence in her life. By keeping quiet I am hiding the truth from everyone and I’m enabling my co-worker in her lie. See the struggle.

Today life has a new perspective, turns out I’m not the only one on planet Earth who can recognize a lie when they hear one, who knew! No matter what the owners decide to do regarding my co-worker I will struggle to figure out if the cost of integrity is a mere $8.00 an hour or if the cost is much, much higher.

Wow, I have not been here much lately, not because I’m still ranting but because I have no time. There is tons of stuff that I could, should, blog about but I seem to be trying to spread myself too thin. Like everyone else on planet Earth I have 24 hours, no more and no less, at least not today. And yet I can’t seem to get caught up much less ahead. Maybe if I sleep less I could cram more into a day. I did after all sleep in today right up until 7:30 when the garbage truck squealed up to my house. Man did that feel good.

So where has my time gone? I took the job I currently have partially for the money but mostly because I believe in a much larger plan that involves me making a difference in someone else’s life, namely my boss. The money comes in handy when the car payments for my brand spankin’ new car come due, I treated myself to a rather extravagant birthday present whom, by the way TJ, is NOT called “my will”. But I seem to be putting in way more than the hours I was led to believe I would be getting.

I was told during my interview that I would probably only get 2 or 3 eight hour shifts a week which pretty much lined up with my concept of a part time job. To date I’m lucky if I get 2 or 3 days off in a two week pay period. Not a complaint just a fact that suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks.

Is it possible to lose yourself during your quest to make a difference in someone else’s life? Can you get so wrapped up in being a blessing that you forget to be blessed? Or does your own blessing come from being a blessing?

I never really thought much about being blessed myself until someone asked me yesterday what blessings I had received recently.  I could have written a book starting with “well, I woke up this morning, I’m still here and now you’re here too”. Life is not, should not, be about what you can get out of it but rather it should be about what you can put into it then give away from it. 

I wonder what would the world look like if people did for others without the notion of payback for themselves? Is that the key to selfless living? Can you truly lose yourself by living selflessly? Are the parts that you do lose parts you can live without?

So many questions, so many answers and yet there are only 24 hours in a day, all of them I am squeezing until the excess squirts out through my tightly balled up hand.