One of, if not the biggest reason I dislike flying is the insanity of “hurry up and go nowhere” that occurs each and every time I fly. It’s a game of hurry up and get to the airport so you can sit and wait to board your plane. Then it’s a quick shuffle into the plane, find and park yourself in your seat just so you can wait to take off. Next comes the scream of the engines to hurry up and get to the proper altitude as you zip through a sky that looks just like the chunk of sky you saw 10 minutes ago. Finally you make your descent to the airport and the game of hurry up and wait resumes with dashing off the plane only to wait for your luggage to arrive, if it arrives.

That’s where my life is right now, hurry up and wait. One of the downfalls of returning home after being gone for 6 weeks is trying to get caught up, get back in the loop that continued on seamlessly in your absence. It seems like for every week that you’re gone it takes one full day to get caught up completely all the while the feeling that you’ve missed something big haunts you. Right now I have a few things that I’m anxious to get going but either due to a lack of funding (I’m pounding the pavement for employment again), a lack of support or an unmanageable schedule, everything is currently on hold.

Despite my patience I find times like this to be extremely trying, frustrating and such an immense waste of both time and talents. I have faith that all things of worth come from learning how to wait patiently but I have next to no faith that my patience will last.

One of the conversations I had while I was away started with the question, “if I ask you a question will you give me an honest answer ?” Hmmm, does this person not know me or has the 5th beer made their brain a wee bit too mushy. Part of my charm, yes I prefer to call it a charm rather than a flaw, is my inability to give anything BUT an honest answer. I will admit that sometimes my delivery of said honest answer lacks sweetness but in the end the person got what they wanted, the truth.

There is absolutely no reason that I can fathom why a person can’t give an honest answer. “Do these jeans make me look fat” is not trick question, it’s someones quest for an honest answer. On occasion that question comes loaded because the person who asks it is really wondering if you’ve noticed that they have added to their emergency caloric reserve. Sometimes the question gets asked for validation either that they are a little heavier or that their extra weight doesn’t matter to you. Just the same, a question was asked and an answer is expected.

The litmus test of honest answers is not in how much truth you divulge but rather in the way you package your answer. If you’re out shopping with someone and they happen to find an outfit that they think they would look amazing in don’t just agree with them for the sake of agreeing. If they ask for your opinion, have one. If the outfit that they have tried on makes them look like Barney on crack find a way to dissuade them from buying the outfit. Depending on the relationship you have with the person you may be able to bluntly say “nope, you’d look better running around naked” or “how sad that the manufacturer miscut the fabric”.

I think part of the problem that people have with being completely honest has nothing to do with wanting to spare someones feelings but rather with our own inability to take responsibility for our opinions, as different as they may be. Lying to someone is easier than standing your ground all under the guise of keeping the water calm. It’s easier to agree with someone and keep the peace than it is to have a differing opinion that will muddy up the water. Sadly I spend a lot of my time in muddy water and I’m completely OK with that.

I had a conversation with someone recently and I confessed to something that I thought would be obvious by now. I’m a procrastinator who can come up with really good excuses and the root of it all is laziness. I will put off doing something until it must be done. I will come up with all sorts of clever excuses for why stuff isn’t done sooner but in the end it all comes down to my own laziness. So having confessed to this person whom by the way was truly shocked by my confession, they thought what I really need was to make a list of things I need to do.

Hmmm, a list! Truth be told….I have a list of all the different lists I have broken down into categories and sub-categories. They suggested that I make my list according to preference ie, put the stuff I don’t like doing first and the stuff I like to do last. Let me think……I have a list that lists the lists of stuff I don’t like to do and lists of the stuff I do like to do. I have even grabbed one of my lists, a pencil and a blindfold then set about eliminating one item from my list by poking at it blindfolded. Yes, it is possible to completely miss the paper when you’re blindfolded and because you’ve missed the paper entirely you can just skip doing something. Can you now appreciate the level of my laziness?

In a few weeks we will be leaving for our annual multi-week camping trip and I have tried to refine my lists into something smaller. I think by downsizing my lists I will get motivated to do things in a timely fashion and perhaps spend a whole lot less time running around like a crack addicted gerbil on the last day. That’s my hope anyway, but then again I only just booked my grass cutter and I’ve had 3 months to do that in. Sigh, am I hopeless or what?

Well another day down and Friday is in sight at Jekyll and Hyde Ville. A few more baby bucks, as opposed to big bucks and more insight into Jekyll/Hyde’s thought process which quite honestly is getting a wee bit scary. I’m convinced that on any given day my boss is on the edge of losing it so I always keep my eye on the sharp knives.

Further proof that she isn’t the same person for more than an hour at a time is her waffling. One day she says be nice to the customer then the next it’s move ‘em through, don’t get all involved with them. Hmm, so sorry Sparky but I’m gonna be nice to them each and every day, I can’t not be nice to people.

I can be rather pointed when necessary but I prefer to greet people with kindness first and if they snap at me then I’ll rethink my approach for the next time. Really what does kindness cost? At the very least it’s free, at the most it takes a few precious minutes. The payout is almost always worth it in the end.

Being perfectly aware that today is Ash Wednesday and the rituals that are adhered to by practicing Catholics I suggested to one woman (whom I know is a practicing Catholic) that perhaps she would rather have a slice of veggie pizza instead of a slice of donair. A quick wink from the customer and we exchanged slices for money then she went on her merry little way.

My boss demanded to know why I made this particular customer change her choice and I had a really great moment of self satisfaction. Almost sinfully good. “Today is Ash Wednesday, a day where, as part of their faith, Catholics abstain from eating meat.”

Being a good Catholic herself my boss didn’t really appreciate that little nugget of info and she was a wee bit steamed. “I thought you were one of those effin Born Agains” she barked at me. As the smile crept across my face I replied “yes I am but I can still care about a Catholic”

I wonder if they could see the fireworks up on the 3rd floor? Now I’m “one of those effin Born Agains who wants to save souls”

Today was a GREAT day. Tomorrow can only be more fun irregardless of which one shows up, Jekyll or Hyde.

There’s a fella at my work that I just can’t seem to leave alone. Before you go running for the phone to warn Steve, it’s not like that and shame on you for even going there. This fella is a “glass half empty” sort of guy and try as I might I can’t seem to stop myself from provoking him. This is the sort of fella who not only looks a gift horse in the mouth but will also beat it until it reveals it’s dark hidden secrets. If he can’t beat a confession out of it he’ll beat it to death and move onto the next gift horse. He is what I call a cavity creator in the life of a gift horse.

Because the GST went down 1% recently we have had to have our cash register reprogrammed to reflect the reduced tax. At the same time my manager changed the prices of a few items to cover the increased cost of some of our goods. Really the changes were very minimal, a nickle here and there, nothing worth getting your knickers in a twist for. One of the new prices is our medium sized coffee. It actually went down…….a whole penny!

Yesterday the fella that I’ll call “Donkey” stopped by for his usual cup of coffee and I handed him his change, a bright shiny new penny. To which he asked “what is this”, “your change sir” was my reply. Then I took the time to explain to him why he was receiving the pretty little penny in the first place. Sadly I had taken the time earlier in the day to select the brightest, shiniest American penny I could find and set it aside just for him. My penny selection was not lost on him and he spun into a twist about how the penny I had just given him was worth less than one cent and on and on he went until I finally hit the “hush” button. My work at “twist the customer” was done.

In the next few weeks I will be working out of a new location and it has been an absolute giggle listening to the laments of the folks who are also going to the new building. Precious few of them see this as a good thing, to most folks this is a really bad idea and they’re all pretty vocal about it.  Most of them believe that they have been handed a lemon and seem quite happy to just sit and suck on it rather than look for the most amazing recipe for lemonade.

In the famous words of an Ogre, “change is good Donkey” being unable to embrace it makes it worse. Luckily “Donkey” is also going to the new building and I can continue in my quest to twist him until he either looks at life differently or I do, rest assured though that once you go “happy” you’re not likely to return to the dark side.

“A pessimist is one who makes difficulties of his opportunities and an optimist is one who makes opportunities of his difficulties.”–Harry S. Truman–