Every now and then I get to a place in my head and subsequently in my heart, where I have just had enough. I have had enough of listening, enough of sharing or rather being “urged” to share, enough of pretending to care, being around people who are equally pretending to care, I am full up on people. It’s not even limited to some people or specific personalities, it encompasses every living human being both friend and foe.
Every conversation I’ve had over the last week or more has stuck to me like tar. Each encounter has added another coat, another 5 pounds and each day I feel heavier and heavier. It hasn’t been any one conversation with any one person but rather each and every single one just seems to add to the weight and I feel so incredibly….well heavy.
I wish I knew why and how I get to this place and what I need to avoid in order to never return here, but not all things wise come with age. Could be a complete lack of sleep , could be I’m stretching myself too thin, not enough exercise, not eating right and some days not at all. Could be age related as my brain refuses to admit I’m not 20 anymore.
Could be from not having a vacation break from work over the last year and a half. Could be changing jobs was not my wisest move. Could be I’ve forgotten how to laugh. Could be I’m people overloaded.
It could simply be a culmination of so many different things that pin pointing the cause would take more years than I have left. Or maybe, just maybe, I need to find a quiet corner somewhere and stay there for a spell.
If I was born to love being with people, clearly something went horribly wrong along the way.
