I wonder if it’s possible to be a parent vicariously? Can your heart ache for a child who is not even remotely related to you? Don’t misinterpret what I’m saying, I have never regretted my decision to not be a parent (OK maybe once or twice when it was really hot out and the lawn needed to be cut). I’m honestly not a fan of babies, yes they’re are cute but they’re not very interactive and they smell a little well, weird. Toddlers are more fun but their attention span is somewhat longer than mine and again they have limited interactivity.

Sadly I have a habit of forgetting that the child in front of me has only just mastered walking, talking and the toilette and they may not fully understand what my 40 something brain is trying to convey to them. Pre teens and tween are for the most part too confusing as they tend to spin on a dime or drift like the wind, I guess they’re too much like me for me to truly appreciate them.

Back to the beginning. I often hear a parent talk about the struggles their own child is going through and my heart just aches. It doesn’t necessarily ache for the child but rather it aches for the parent and the emotional state they are in. I feel the fear, the sorrow and the worry that they feel for their child almost as if I knew what being a parent feels like. A friend’s daughter is currently training to be an RCMP officer and when she tells me what her daughter goes through with her training I can’t help but feel fearful or worried. I feel so deeply for the parents as I watch them struggle against their own heart wanting what their daughter wants but wanting her to be 3 years old again where they could kiss or hug all her worries away.

In a few days people who I love deeply will be taking their youngest child for another visit in a long line of visits to the doctor and my heart once again aches. Although they don’t outwardly show their worry it’s palpable just the same. They will once again take their youngest child down a road towards surgery that they have travelled often and I feel as though I’m being pulled along with them. I would trade places with their precious daughter so that she would never have to have another surgery in her life but deep down I would trade places with her so her mom and dad would not have to go through all that they will be going through emotionally.

I have great faith that everything will go extremely well as He has already planned it but the worry will still be there for 2 people who have gone through so much already. I can’t help but feel for them. Who knows, maybe I should have been a parent because some days it just feels like I might have the right stuff.