As this year takes it’s last steps toward what will be history I did something out of character, I took a look back through it. When it comes to New Years Eve, folks either become retrospective, forward thinking/looking or suddenly they realize it’s a New Year and get on with life. I am a forward thinking/looking kind of person and rarely do I take the time to look back to any great degree. I do spend some time looking back but only for the purposes of learning. Sort of like an ongoing lesson of “what could I have done differently” and what did I learn from doing things the way that is quintessentially me. This year I thought I would give it a whirl just to see what the attraction is and here are a few snippets.

For a very cherished friend and her family, this was an incredibly heart breaking year as they lost 2 people that had been the corner posts of their lives. Still I wonder if I did enough to come along side her to help carry her heavy heart or did I give her too much space? One day when there is more time between the hurt and the here and now, I’ll ask her.

This year I trusted enough to give away more wee bits and big chunks of my heart and oddly I found big bits and huge chunks of others hearts in my hands. This has been a break through year for me in the areas of trust and acceptance. I am learning, albeit slowly, that there is an attraction that is me and the striped down, no masks, absolutely real version of me is, to quote someone I don’t endorse, “a good thing”. There is still much work to do but in comparison to ‘06 I am miles ahead.

I have suffered my own loss this year and have stepped out into a love that was unexpected. Even though it made me incredibly uncomfortable I found strength in the tear soaked hugs that became my life during that time. Partly because I am a happy person by nature I found the tears cried with me alarming and partly because I don’t like letting people share my pain this was another area of personal growth as I let down my guard and allowed it to simply unfold.

This was a year where some connections that were, at one time, solid as concrete began to crumble while others that seemed fleeting, deepened. Like every other year it was a year of ebb and flow as people come and go, here for a season then moving on. Looking back you can almost see the purposeful timing of their presence in your life which, for the most part, leaves a smile on my face as the blessing they were remains.

I’m ending this year a little less unsure of myself, stronger, loved more than I could ever imagine, blessed beyond belief and learning to stand tall in the words that have been spoken over me. 2008 will be a year of continuing growth wrapped in the ebb and flow of blessings and heart ache from which yet another revised version of who I think I am will emerge.

To all of you who have left both finger prints and bruises on my year, thank you, your marks have made this years version of me very real and definitely alive. God bless and have a very happy New Year.

When a bonsai stops growing, you know it’s dead.