Time and time again I catch myself lying, not in a deliberate way more like an omission sort of way. Someone will ask me how I am doing and my answer will have some truth to it but it won’t necessarily be the truth.
I’ve known someone for a few years now and although I consider them a friend I lie to them almost every time they ask me how I am. I usually tell them I’m tired, seldom is it a lie but it’s not the whole truth, it is a superficial answer just the same. They have decided that I need rest and have been praying into that for me for months.
I find it perplexing that being honest with a friend requires you to have a higher level of trust than you would with someone that you simply know. And yet………I find friends the hardest to be emotionally honest and vulnerable with.
Perhaps the trust is not on them, perhaps it’s the complexities of self trust. If I actually say out loud what I’m saying inside I will have to admit to it, own it. I know several people who are emotionally open and honest with me and I have often envied their ability to just unload on me. Mind you these are the same people that I need to be “ready” for an honest answer to “how are you”. The truth may indeed set them free but it frequently weighs me down so I pick and choose when I’m going to ask them how they are.
Part of my problem with being emotionally vulnerable is not that I don’t trust my friends it’s that I don’t trust myself enough. Is it really going to be OK with them if my head is all tore up and my heart is so damaged that it’s barely pumping enough to sustain me. If I open a can of worms will they want to go through the whole can or can I just say “that’s all I can do today” and we’ll just put the lid back on for now. I guess it boils down to the question we all carry from our childhood, “if they really know all of me will they still like me”.
The answer lies in how important it is that they know all of me and does it really matter. I probably should check the pissies category box as well ’cause this just feels and probably reads like a pissie fit. It’s just my inability to discern where my trust belongs , it’s social burn out.
June 2nd, 2007 at 9:37 am
As children we tend to open up easy and are hurt quite often until we build walls as a defense. Some of the walls we build are quite high and quite thick and therefore take time to un-build. As a christian God commands us to love one another, which as you know is hard to do when we are heavily guarded by those walls. But we need some defense when dealing with certain people, and therefore I think we tend to create “portable” walls like office cubicles. It allows us to show our true friends the completely open side, or the entrance and the remainer get the various sides of the cubicle from small 1/2 walls or walls to the ceiling. I think it would be foolish to permit everyone to know the “real” me I would get hurt until I could stand the pain no more. Finally I look at it this way, God says to Love one another as you would love yourself, He did not say like or trust.
June 2nd, 2007 at 10:25 am
I guess I’m still trying to work through my post
is it real or faked (March 31st)
perhaps I finally do care if people like me
June 2nd, 2007 at 12:06 pm
I think Jesus’ formula was pretty much die to your self, take down all the walls = no one can hurt a dead self. The only people I like are the one’s I want to like. The only people I want to like me are the one’s who want to like me. If someone doesn’t want to like me I really don’t have the stuff to put in all the work to get them to like me. I’d rather just move on to someone who wants to like me.
Lots of people want to like you Sweetly!
June 2nd, 2007 at 5:28 pm
steve, great analogy, portable walls. I usually have my hand on a bag of ready mix concrete but water for mixing is often scarce, I do carry portables though.
brian, I think Jesus’s formula could/would drive me to rebuild all my walls out of cement. My skin is only thick on the outside and thanks.
June 2nd, 2007 at 9:17 pm
I’m going out on a limb here, but my understanding of a dead self was not an emotional state but rather a sinful one. If we were to be dead to ones self emotionally then we would and could not reflect Jesus’s Love. We build walls to protect our emotional state from harm by those who cannot share the Love of Jesus or for that matter from some who cannot accept it.
I will open my heart to those that I believe can accept it and also to those whose heart I can accept in return.
The rest will be loved, respected, admired and encouraged all from an emotionally safe distance.
June 10th, 2007 at 2:35 am
Sin or Insanity.
Theres no place like home
Theres no place like home
i think it was in the bible i read
‘for it is dying to Self that we Awaken–
(to Eternal life)
i dont think it means self abandon like
those children left upon a parkbench
or a hospital corridor. but to set aside
old ideas. taking risks of a higher faith.
i dont know much about the Jesus side of life
but i do know emotions will surface whether you
like it or not; by eating you alive or until
you realize you dont have to hold your breath
because youre not a fish.
i cant ponder anything without my own Truth.
im absolutely Full
June 10th, 2007 at 7:14 am
ae,
touche!
April 19th, 2008 at 6:59 am
I did a search for vulnerability + emotion + work and found this blog. I very much appreciate Sweetly Broken’s posts and the comments. I can relate! I have longed for others’ walls to come down, but have been learning about the need for such “walls” of my own. To live without emotional protection is a mistaken interpretation of the message of love. There is a lot of wisdom on this page
January 5th, 2009 at 5:52 pm
When our emoitions drive our motives (when we are thinking of how a given circumstance affects me.(us)) We are not dead to self. Being dead to self therefor is removing ourselves from any given end result.Giving with no motive to sway any odds in your favor.Not manipulating by being super nice and then when your not getting your way by the nice approach. Becoming the raging self driven loonatic. Being Altruistic is Dying to ones self. That is Jesus Love. Altruism.
January 16th, 2009 at 10:14 pm
interesting
September 20th, 2009 at 11:33 am
I can totally relate to this post. I myself couldn’t show my true feelings to my friends, even to my family. I don’t know how to open up. And those who don’t really know me that much tend to think that I’m two-faced or something like it. But they’re wrong. Thank you for this post.
April 12th, 2011 at 11:38 pm
Wonderful, honest insights!